Top Ten Funny Things Book Characters Have Said

Welcome to another TTT! This week’s topic is about things that book characters have said. Maybe a character said something really profound or romantic or hilarious or heartbreaking. You could share witty one-liners, mic-drop moments, snippets of funny dialogue between multiple characters, catchphrases, quotes that have become a part of pop culture–like “May the odds be ever in your favor.”, etc. I’ve decided to go with funny things! Some of them are conversations and some are just funny one-liners.

1. “There’s no such thing as an old maid.”
“Wh-what would you call a middle-aged lady who’s never married?”
“A woman with standards?”
― Lisa Kleypas, Chasing Cassandra

2. “Did you . . . Did you just kiss me?” He sounded puzzled, and maybe a little out of breath. His lips were full and plump and . . . Kissed. There was simply no way Olive could get away with denying what she had just done.
Still, it was worth a try.
“Nope.”
Surprisingly, it seemed to work.
“Ah. Okay, then.” Carlsen nodded and turned around, looking vaguely disoriented. He took a couple of steps down the hallway, reached the water fountain—maybe where he’d been headed in the first place.
Olive was starting to believe that she might actually be off the hook when he halted and turned back with a skeptical expression.
“Are you sure?”
― Ali Hazelwood, The Love Hypothesis

3. “She laid a row of cushions down the center of the bed, carefully dividing it into two sides: His, and hers.
“Is that truly supposed to stop me?” He fell back on the bed, on his side-peering over the pillow wall at her with amusement. “I fully intended to have my wicked way with you. But now there’s this cushion, so…”
She burrowed under the coverlet, drawing it up to her neck.
“Now that you mention it,” he went on, “I dinna know how this strategy escaped Napoleon’s notice. If only he’d erected a barricade of feathers and fabric, we Highlanders wouldna have known how to get over it.”
“I don’t expect the pillows to keep you out,” she said. “They’re merely a guard against anything accidental happening.”
“Ah.” He drew out the syllable. “We canna have any accidental happenings.”
“Exactly. I might roll over in the night, and I know how you feel about cuddling. I should hate to take advantage of you.”
“Minx.”
― Tessa Dare, When a Scot Ties the Knot

4. “Wounded male pride has caused the world more destruction than the Black Death and the Great Flood put together.”
― Tessa Dare, The Wallflower Wager

5. “I have four uniforms, but only one f–ing flight jacket, and I”—punch—“hate”—punch—“sewing!”
― Rebecca Yarros, Onyx Storm

6. “You can count the number of cricket chirps per second to calculate the outside temperature.”
“Unless the outside is on fire,” Caz said. “How fast do they chirp if it’s all on fire?”
― Sarah Beth Durst, The Spellshop

7. “What’s it like having a twin?”
“What’s it’s like not having a twin?” I reply, and he laughs.
“Touché.”
― Christina Lauren, The Unhoneymooners

8. “Google career options for tired girls who still want to afford their nice apartment.”
― Catherine Walsh, Holiday Romance

9. “There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but most of those fish are bottom-dwellers with weird lanterns hanging off the front of their faces.”
― B.K. Borison, Mixed Signals

10. “Technically, I went to bed at 10 pm, but in girl-with-a-Kindle time, it was actually closer to 2 am,”
― Cindy Steel, Faking Christmas

I hope you laughed at some of these!
What’s the funniest book you’ve ever read? I could use some laughs!